A Letter to the Woman Who's Just Realised She's Not Safe

Dear Love,

If you’re reading this, it’s because a small — perhaps trembling — voice inside of you has started whispering something terrifying and uncertain:

“I don’t think I’m safe here.”

Not necessarily in a bruises-and-emergency-room-wounded kind of way.
But in a soul-safety, emotional stability, my-body-feels-numb-and-shaky kind of way.

Maybe your body contracts when your partner’s mood shifts.
Maybe you rehearse conversations in your head before speaking.
Maybe you've started apologising for things you didn’t do, and feeling yourself shrinking to take up less space.

You’ve stopped talking to friends because it feels easier not to explain. It’s complicated. You’re not sure they’d understand. You don’t want to burden them with a hunch and you doubt your reality.

Your body has started to freeze, guard or numb when he touches you, and it feels impossible to relax in his presence.

Maybe you’re wondering:

“Is it me?”
“Am I over-reacting?”
“Is this just how all long-term relationships are after a while?”

No, it’s not you.

Your body knows.
Your nervous system is telling you the truth.
And the truth is: you do not feel safe.

I know what it’s like to stay.
To justify, to minimise what is happening, to hope it’s just your imagination.
To romanticise someone’s potential.

I know what it’s like to make a sacred commitment
To cling to breadcrumbs of kindness, because you're starving for the version of them you met in the beginning, who presented everything you’d ever looked for and dreamed of.

I know what it’s like to believe that everyone you meet has genuine empathy and care.

I know what it’s like to filter out the emotional abuse, because you see the wounded child in them and you believe your love can heal anything.

I know what it’s like to feel too scared to leave but to be stuck in a trauma-bond that binds you like an addict.

But here’s the truth:
Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells.
It shouldn’t erode your self-worth, or silence your brilliance, or turn you into a ghost of the woman you used to be. You should not be looking in a mirror with utter self-loathing, seeing a version of yourself that is barely recognisable.

Love should not feel as though you are performing. Striving to be noticed and desired, like you were in the beginning.

Love should not feel like trying to put a snake in a bag.

Even if he’s never laid a hand on you.
Even if you still cling to beautiful memories.
Even if you’re scared to leave because he conditioned and brain-washed you to believe that he was your rock and sole source of sanity.

“Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” — Matthew 7:15

I’m not here to tell you what to do.
I’m here to tell you that your knowing is real. You can trust that deep, small voice, even though she is shaky right now. There is something not quite right here and you are allowed to question it. In fact, I encourage you to, because truth will always set you free.

Let me tell you something important. Your life, your light, your entire being is too sacred to stay in a place where your safety — emotional, spiritual, or physical — is not honoured and cherished.

Your soul-force is too powerful to be drained by the energy vampire who has been piping out and emptying you insidiously, methodically, strategically.

If you need permission, let this be it:

You are allowed to leave.
You are allowed to grieve.
You are allowed to protect your peace more fiercely than another’s feelings.
You are allowed to choose yourself — even if no one else understands.

Freedom isn’t always a grand or elegant exit.
Sometimes, freedom is just one brave moment at a time towards faith and trust and truth. Sometimes it’s choosing your peace - and then watching as your healthy boundary eliminates the energy vampire, who was never capable of genuinely empathising with your feelings, from the beginning.

One step at a time. One truth at a time.

One deep breath that finally, fully exhales and declares:
“I’m not crazy. I’m waking up and this is reality with the torchlight of truth shining upon it.”

In your awakening, please ask these three questions -

If someone you loved (a daughter, a niece) was being spoken to and treated like this, what would you tell her?

If someone told this inverse love-story backwards, would it reveal a continuous, exhausting cycle of discard, devaluation, love-bombing?

What would love do?

With fierce love and a core belief in your ability to heal completely,
Lisa
Someone who knows the path back to herself

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